Suicide Hearts
by Sheherazaad
Summary: Shae (MC) had failed before but she wouldn't fail this time. She would plan it out carefully and it would be perfect. Now all she needs is an assistant/accomplice to make her dream a reality. She could only think of one person. He had kept her darkest secret before but would he help her now? Real world AU OCC characters Trigger warnings: Suicide, drug abuse
1. Chapter 1

Who was Shae?

She started off life as an average kid but once she started kindergarten her teachers noticed that she was a little different. She was smart, funny and gentle most of the time but occasionally she was distant and withdrawn. Her parent waved it off as childhood eccentricities. "Kids can be weird sometimes" was their usual response to any voiced concerned. In grade school she showed signs of being highly intelligent learning to read at a level at least two grades above her peers. She stood out a little too much which made it difficult to bond with her class mates. She had a few friends but never really felt close to them. She was lonely even when surrounded by many people. She felt different, somehow wrong and this feeling carried on all the way through to high school.

"There is a link between genius and madness" she had read that in a book and it made sense to her, she was probably born defective. By now she had learned to hide just how smart she was. Making friends was easier when you smiled and said what people wanted to hear. Shae had crafted the perfect façade, no-one would know how sad and pathetic she was if all she did was smile and laugh on cue. How long would she have to do this? It was tiring to keep up appearances and she was getting more tired by the day.

Her parent's divorce came as a shock to everyone they knew but not to her. Her father hadn't shared a bedroom with her mother for months and he was rarely around in the evenings or on weekends. She heard them fighting about money, about her and her weird behaviour. Her birth wasn't exactly planned and resulted in a "shot-gun" wedding between her parents. Her mother's aspirations as a travel journalist were pretty much scuppered by a crying baby and a reluctant husband. Shae felt like it was her fault that they were trapped in a loveless marriage making each other miserable. She loved them both deeply and thought she could fix things. Without her they could go back to the way they were, she was what was wrong and she needed to go away for good.

She was 14yrs old when she attempted suicide unsuccessfully. Her family kept it quiet and she returned to school after a brief absence due to a mysterious health issue. She went to a psychologist for assessment and was suspected of having Borderline personality disorder. She wasn't paying attention to the doctor or her parents anymore. She just wanted to be left alone and to do that she needed to convince everyone she was fine now. And for that she needed to keep up the façade of being normal.

Normal was a relative term in her high school. It was better blend in and keep your head down then to stand out. Outsiders had it rough and once you'd been labelled as one it pretty much stuck for the rest of you school career. One such outsider was Saeran. He was different from the get go. Dark and moody was a good description for him although Shae had heard the term "Goth/Emo freak" thrown around to when referring to him. The bigger guys pushed around a bit during breaks but he never got angry and usually just pretended like it never bothered him. He didn't have many friends just one guy named Tom. He had a reputation as a stoner but they liked the same music and Tom liked to say that outsiders should stick together. Shae was grouped together with Saeran and Tom for a biology assignment. She did her section and included a bit of their sections too. When they submitted the assignment the average make was decent with her section getting top marks even though the other two sections was severely lacking in many respects. Saeran learned that Shae was cool to be around she was friendly but not intrusive and like a lot of different bands, some of which he like too. Occasional he would catch her making a strange facial expression while staring out of the window, like she was zoning out. It was out of character for her upbeat personality but maybe she was just tired. A week or so later she stopped coming to class completely and disappeared for about a month. No-one had heard from her not even her group of friends. A rumour was going around that she might be knocked up but no-one believed that for a moment. The Shae they knew and loved was far too straight laced for that kind of thing. Everyone laughed and the topic quickly changed. Then one day she just showed up again apparently cured of the mysterious illness that had plagued her. She looked the same but something was different. Saeran thought she might just be depressed about being back at school, heck he hated school too but she was never like that. Shae looked like she had lost the light in her eyes, like a shell of her former self. It wasn't until the night of the end of exams party that he truly realised how that small change was just the tip of the iceberg.

Shae then vs. now

It had been a good 10 years since Shae's teenage suicide attempt but the events of that year remained fresh in her mind always. Overdosing on painkillers seemed easy enough. She just wanted to sleep. No more pain, no more crushing sadness just the sweet embrace of eternal rest. She was so tired of living, it was just too hard. But like most things it was easier said than done. Her parents found her on the floor of her bedroom in a pool of vomit and rushed her off to the hospital. One stomach pump later and she was fine. The story they told the school and anyone interested enough to ask was that she had had an allergic reaction to some medication. They all seemed to buy the explanation but she knew the truth, her doctor knew the truth and her parents knew the truth. The shame was unbearable and retreated away from the world.

Eventually she was prescribed anti-depressants by a doctor that was swayed by her mother's impassioned pleas. She was underage. Technically too young for this course of treatment but the doctor put her on the lowest possible dose of the medication and hope that it would do the trick. The funny thing about anti-depressants is that they don't stop you from being sad by making you happy, they make you numb. Feeling nothing was great at first for Shae but after a while she started to crave the sensation of feeling something. This resulted in escalating risky behaviour. She was looking for a rush, a thrill and maybe a little bit of trouble. And trouble wasn't hard to find while attending a public school in a middle income neighbourhood populated by latchkey kids with money and too much free time. Parental supervision was minimal as her mother had gone back to work after the divorce as a journalist for a small local paper and as long as she kept her grades up no-one would bat an eyelash.


	2. Chapter 2

Shae's secret: part 1

It was a party the high school seniors had thrown to celebrate the end of exams. No results were out yet so most of the people were still on edge and a little stressed out. The timing was perfect for a huge blow-out to let off some steam. One of the senior girl's parents was out of town at a doctor's conference for the weekend making her house the location of the party. Most of the school would be there as the invites were spread by word of mouth. The downside of skip through most of grade school was the Shae wasn't old enough to drive like her friends. Just having turned 15yrs old she wasn't even old enough for a learner's permit. It was left up to Shae to arrange an alibi for her and her friends – movie night + slumber party. It was a total cliché excuse but hey it works. The party was much bigger than expected and judging from the cars haphazardly parked across the lawn there were probably a bunch of college kids here too.

Shae walked through the house to the backyard. There was a bonfire going and three or so Hookah pipes had been setup and small groups gathers around each one. (Hookah's are water pipes used to smoke fruit tobacco). She headed to a nearby group and settled down. She knew a few of the other people from school but there were two guys she didn't recognise. They seemed friendly and welcoming so she didn't mind their company. After a while most of the group headed back into the house for food and refills for their drinks. Shae stayed and puffed on the pipe even though it was about to go out as the coal had turned to ash.

The main group leaving had left her with her two new acquaintances. They were friends of the girl who threw the party's older brother. They also used to attend the same high school as Shae so they chatted about teachers and school stuff. It was getting colder and the Hookah pipe was definitely dead. Just when she looked like she was about to leave Blue Hoody (He had said his name – You-something but Shae wasn't paying attention) slid over to her and asked her if she wanted to go exploring the house with him. His friend who lived there had a cool projector in his room; they could check it out together and get out of the cold. Shae stared at him blankly and then nodded her head. Blue Hoody wasn't particularly big or muscular looking. Shae thought she could probably take him in a fight if she surprised him and maybe she was feeling a little cold too. He turned around and got something from his friend. Probably keys or something Shae thought. He stuffed it into his pocket and motioned for her to follow him back into the house.

He put his arm around her as they walked up the stairs next to the kitchen. A normal reaction would be to try and get out of the situation. She didn't know this guy and he was leading her to an unfamiliar place away from other people. Shae had taken her meds that day and was feeling detached from the situation. How far would she let things go before she felt afraid and stopped? She didn't know.

Saeran was in the kitchen grabbing another beer. It was his fourth for the night but he didn't particularly care. Tom dragged him here against his better judgment but at least he could get some free booze for his troubles. He saw her walk up the stairs accompanied by a blonde guy in a blue hoody. He was smiling with his arm around but her expression was half smiling or was that a grimace? She didn't look drunk or like he was forcing her to go with him. He sighed audibly and shrugged his shoulders as they disappeared from view. She would probably regret whatever happens tonight but it wasn't his place to interfere. He always saw her as a smart girl.

Apparently book smarts don't equal street smarts or else she wouldn't go near a guy like that. He'd seen his type before, even with a face like an Altar boy he was still just a wolf in sheep's clothing. Saeran hung out at the party for another hour before he texted Tom. It was almost 2 am and he wanted to leave. What he saw earlier in the kitchen had kind of put him off for the rest of the night. He wasn't sure why though, it's not like Shae and him were even friends or something.

He sat in the car listening to the radio, trying to sober up a bit before the drive home. He was going to leave Tom behind; the dumbass deserved it for dragging him here and making him wait forever. Right then there was a loud knock on his driver side window. He was expecting Tom but the person he saw was Shae. Her clothes looked dishevelled, hair messy and her pupils were as big as saucers. She was distressed, frantic and on the verge of tears. She wanted a ride home and needed to leave right now. Saeran's mind raced, had that hoody guy forced himself on her? He unlocked the door on the passenger side and she climbed in. They drove off into the night.

Saeran hadn't realised that he had drove her back to his home. He was on autopilot and being slightly drunk didn't help. He hoped she wouldn't freak out but she just sat there quietly, occasionally tugging at her clothing or hair. She was sweating even though it was a cold night. He walked her to his room in the pool house. Maybe they would call the cops in the morning when he was sober. She practically chugged the bottle of water he had offered her and she curled up on the couch. He also offered her a blanket, careful not to touch her. He didn't want any of his DNA or finger prints on her in case she did call the cops in the morning. (He mentally slapped himself for thinking that and his inner voice said "You sir, are a grade A asshole for worrying about getting blamed for this". This time he couldn't disagree.) He quietly retreated to his bedroom for the rest of the night. If it was bad now it would be worse in the morning.

Shae woke up in a room she didn't recognise and feeling like she got hit by a truck. She got up too quickly and promptly fell onto the floor knock the glass ashtray onto the floor too. The noise woke Saeran up and he came to investigate. She recognised him immediately. "Saeran, where am I and what are you doing here too?" He walks over slowly to pick up the pieces of the broken ashtray careful not to spook her. He then sat down next to her and asked her what she remembered about the night before.

A look of horror passes over her face followed by tears as she clamped her hand firmly over her mouth. "I guess she does remember" Saeran thought worriedly. She sobbed soundlessly for what seemed like forever but was actually just a few minutes. Finally she faced Saeran. Shae spoke in a soft voice, "I have to tell you something and you have to promise not to tell anyone else about this".


	3. Chapter 3

Shae's secret: part 2

He had expected this from the moment she climbed in his car. He spent most of the night in his bedroom playing out scenarios of how he would react to this news. They would call the cops and then her parents. He would give a statement that he saw them together and a description of the guy and what he was wearing. It wasn't much to go on but it would help catch that bastard right? He could do this; he could do the right thing and save her.

Shae inhaled deeply and blurted out her secret. "I think I killed a guy last night". He looked at her strangely and then replied "I'm sorry…what!?" He didn't mean to shout and now she looked like a frightened rabbit quivering in the furthest corner of the couch. He must have heard her wrong. Maybe he was still drunk. This was impossible. He had a lot of question and now he wasn't sure he wanted the answers. Shae wished she had her meds. She was overwhelmed with feelings. Mostly feeling like shit and all she wanted now was to be numb again.

Saeran sat silently occasionally shifting in his seat as her listened to her story. He tried to listen carefully but his inner chorus of "Holy shit" and "Fuck!" made it difficult to follow word for word but he got the gist. Shae and Blue Hoody guy did ecstasy in one of the bedrooms. She took half a pill because it was her first time while Hoody boy took a handful. They fooled around. He wondered what exactly she meant by that but forced himself to focus back on what she was saying. She had zoned out after that and didn't remember what happened between then and her waking up next to Hoody boy overdosing. The guy's eyes were open but not blinking, his lips were blue and she didn't think he was breathing. She freaked out grabbed her stuff and ran out of the party. She then saw him in the car and the rest he already knew. Saeran considered what she had said. She never checked his pulse and he might have still been breathing very shallowly. There was no way to know for sure. What he did know is that she had just left the dude there. Dead or dying by himself in a bedroom; she never called for help or told anyone before she left. That was a pretty cold hearted thing to do even to a guy she just met.

Finally he spoke. "Maybe he's not dead, maybe someone found him and called the paramedics" Shae scowled at him and shook her head. "You could call the cops?" he suggested half-heartedly rubbing the back of his head. "No fucking way!" she replied annunciating each word for emphasis. He had never seen her like this at school; she was always so polite in class. Maybe this was Shae's evil twin or something. She was full on panicking now. "They'll send me to a mental hospital for real this time", "my mom's going to freak the fuck out", "Everyone's going to think I'm crazy". He didn't understand what she was rambling about, why was she worried about people thinking she was crazy?

Then she just stopped talking and stared at her hands. Saeran looked at her awkwardly till she spoke again. "I need to go home. My mom's waiting for me so please take me home." In the car he drove up to the house she pointed at. She thanked him and proceeded to get out. Before he drove off she turned to him one last time. "Please keep my secret". He nodded in reply and drove away.

Saeran heads home and grabs a beer from his mini-fridge (stolen from his mom's stash). "Its 5 o' clock somewhere" he laughed to himself darkly. Tom calls him later that day. He was mad that Saeran had left him behind but forgave him when he heard that Saeran had left the party with a girl. He would never stand in the way of his bro getting lucky. Saeran laughed mirthlessly and told Tom he didn't want to talk about it. Tom laughed loudly and mentioned his uncle had a similar problem but they had a pill for that now. Saeran hung up on him and headed back to bed; hoping to wake up and find all this was just a bad dream.

Only it wasn't. Monday's school assembly confirmed that a boy had died from an overdose at an unsupervised party. (R.I.P Hoody boy) Even though he wasn't a student at their school the Principal knew many of his students had attended the party and he warned them of the dangers of drugs and asked if anyone who had seen anything to come forward as witnesses as the case was still being investigated. Shae went back to being Shae, seeming unfazed by what had happened. In a few months everything was forgotten and high school was over for another year.


	4. Chapter 4

Bad Karma:

"One often meets ones destiny on the path one takes to avoid it"

You finish high school, go to college, graduate and get a job. Maybe you find someone along the way you fall in love and get married. This was what was expected from her and Shae did her best to comply. Straight after high school she went to college. She was interested in Metallurgy and chose it as her major. The class was 80% male but she never let it bother her. She got along just fine with her male and female class mates despite being the youngest in class. She had kept up with her anti-depressants although she had changed to a different type that had less side effects and she had stated going to therapy sessions. She was doing well, she was on track.

In her 3rd year at college she met Shane. He was the Teaching Assistant (TA) and head tutor for her chemistry class. Most graduate students did extra work for the university while studying. Shane was doing his PhD and was hoping to become a lecturer. Shae was attracted to him instantly. He had a tall athletic build, sand brown hair and green eyes. He was on the rowing team and it showed. Shae couldn't help but stare when he wore those sleeveless tanks in the summer; those tanned muscular arms were hard to miss. She dismissed her feeling as a hopeless crush. Almost all the girls were eyeing him and she knew "Senpai would never notice her".

It was late one afternoon when she knocked on his office door to submit her assignment. It was a few hours after the deadline. She knew she was in trouble. The Professor was strict, no late submissions, but she hoped she could bend Shane's arm to accept it anyway. He was known as a nice guy after all. There was no reply to her knocking and the door was a jar. This was perfect, she could slip her assignment into the stack on the table and he'd be none the wiser. She opened the door further and noticed a person asleep on the small sofa on the adjacent side of the room. He really did look like an angel, a hunky angel who fell asleep with his glasses on. She inched closer to get a better look at his sleeping visage. Assured that he was really asleep she knelt down next to the sofa. Softly she brushed his bangs aside and gently removed his glasses from his face. She got up as stealthily as she could and walked back to the desk to put the glasses down and submit her assignment.

She was in the process of finding the correct stack for her assignment on the messy desk when a voice spoke out. "I hope you're not trying to submit that report late" Shae spun around to face Shane still sprawled out on the sofa. He yawned and stretched his arms above his head causing his shirt to rise up slightly exposing his v-cut and a bit of his underwear peeking out from his jeans. Shae tried not to look and then she tried not to blush; failing miserably at both. "There's a penalty for late submissions you know" Shae looked down nervously. This was a core class and she couldn't afford a bad grade. She gathered her courage and asked "How much is the deduction?" He laughed and replied "For you it's a drink with me after work" Her face instantly lifted. "Sure no problem anything you want just name it" He sat up on the sofa now "Ok then, meet me back here at 8pm, see you then". He waived her off. Shae was buzzing with excitement. She couldn't believe her luck a date with the hottest TA in the entire department and all she had to do was miss a deadline.

Drinks turned into coffee and coffee into breakfast. In a little over 3 weeks they became the departments best kept secret. Lecturers, staff and especially TA's weren't allowed to date students. It was deemed a conflict of interests to grade work done by your significant other. For people in serious relationships there was an option of disclosing you relationship to the Dean. It involved a very detailed questionnaire about when and how the relationship started and who pursued who, that kind of thing. But Shae knew she'd rather die than discuss her love life with the Dean of the faculty. That went extra for any of the things that happened between them in Shane's office after hours.

It was supposed to be a great day for Shae. She had been nominated for a class medal (the prize for top student) for her year-end project much to the envy of her male class mates. It was the first time that a female student had been nominated for the prize. It counted for 70% of her final grade and she had worked tirelessly for the last month to have it ready in time. She was even invited to give a presentation to some of the top researchers in the field at a local conference. Everything was wonderful until the Dean called her into his office. She thought it was about the conference until he sat her down and asked about her relationship with Shane. Shae was taken by surprise. Her first instinct was to deny everything. She didn't want either of them to get into trouble but she wasn't sure what the Dean already knew. She opted for a half truth "We're friends, very close friends". She looked to the man for some kind of recognition on his face on whether or not that was the answer he wanted. "Are the two of you in an intimate relationship?" was his next question. Shae panicked "No, we're not like that. Did someone say we were?" The Dean paced up and down his office, "It has come to my attention that Mr Stone (Shane) has been having intimate relationships with multiple female students and one of them has fallen pregnant. We are now launching an investigation into the degree of his misconduct. We hope you will assist us where possible." Shae was shell shocked she managed to hold it together until she made it back to her apartment where she broke down into a sea of tears.

She fell into a deep depression, stopped taking her meds and going to therapy. She quit going to class and due to being a few credits short would not graduate that year. She did not know how the other girls he was seeing were taking it especially the girl who was pregnant but she was falling apart. Her already fragile metal state was shattered once again. She never spoke to him after that and never wanted to. What could he possibly say that could explain his actions? No, lies and more lies were all he could say and she was better off not hearing them.

She obsessively went over every one of their interactions. Were there signs that she missed, how could she be such a fool? It wasn't long before word of the investigation got around. Her noted absence seemed to only fuel rumours that Shae had seduced her poor TA in order to get better grades. How else would she; a girl; get the top prize in the class full of guys? Shane was suspended from his teaching duties and a disciplinary board was still deciding on how his PhD studies would be affected. Shae did not walk away unscathed. All her assignments including her final year project has to be externally reviewed and the incident would appear on her college record. Her reputation and her work had been dragged through the mud. Shae did something no-one had expected her to do. She dropped out.

She moved back home with her mother and basically refused to leave her room. She shut herself in refusing to see friends or talk to her therapist. She had been of her meds for a while and her instability was unnerving for her mother to see. The thoughts of how she failed at life and was just a burden to her loved ones permeated her waking moments. She had started taking sleeping pills to block out the intrusive thoughts and allow her at least a few hours of peace at night. She took them every night now and didn't know if she could sleep without them. One morning her mother handed her a flyer for a course at a local art school. It was jewellery design course for beginners. Her mother had hoped it that it would serve as a distraction from her troubles and get her out of her room and interacting in society again. Shae didn't think anything about it other than to stop her mother from nagging but to her surprise she really loved it especially the metal work. It was a far cry from her life as an engineering student but it was something she had a natural flair for. She enrolled in a more advanced program at the community college nearby. For the first time in her life she was one of the older students in her classes. This felt right being creative and making things with her hands, this was her calling. She had begun to dream again. This time it was of a life where she could have her own jewellery design studio.

"An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth"

Shae was under no illusion about what she was. She was a bad person. No matter what she did deep down she was a narcissist. She cared only for herself and that is why the universe continued to punish her for her wrong doings. She was punished for not disclosing her relationship with Shane. Her dishonesty with the department had cost her degree. Shanes dishonesty was unexpected but maybe she just a attracted other bad people. What she was faced with now was the punishment for the worst crime that she had committed. For abandoning that boy to die alone in the bedroom all those years ago the universe had seen fit to try and take away the most precious person in her life, her mother.

She was diagnosed with stage 3 pancreatic cancer. Her mother had undergone surgery, 2 rounds of chemotherapy and radiation therapy but it only served to slow the rate of the spread of the cancer. It had already begun to spread to other organs. Eventually it would pass the point of no return and it would claim her life. If it has possible to donate her pancreas to her mother Shae would, even at the cost of her life. This was all her fault in the first place. The battle with cancer had exhausted all her mother's funds and a large amount of Shae's funds too. She had taken a huge loan at the bank to start her jewellery design studio before she knew of her mother's illness. She had spent quite a bit of the money on her first collection but everything she had left she had given for her mother's mountain of medical bills. The loan with the bank was so big she had to take out a life insurance policy in order to secure it. Right now it was just another bill Shae needed to pay every month. She had to sell her first collection immediately in order to recuperate some of the money but that left very little in her budget to launch collection in the first place.


	5. Chapter 5

They meet again:

While scrolling through her Facebook Shae noticed one of her high school friends had invited her to like a business page. It was for a photographer/website designer. The business was called Mint Eye Studios and the owner was Saeran. He looked so different now but it was definitely him. She emailed him the details of her project and asked for a cost estimate. He probably wouldn't remember her, it was a lifetime ago. "The white hair suits him. He looks like he should be in a rock band. Maybe he is." That was Shae's first impression of her old school mate. She wondered if he still listened to the same kind of music he used to, as she waited for his reply to her query. "I hope he's services are not too expensive.

They emailed back and forth a few times before they agreed to meet at a coffee shop in the trendy part of town. Shae had taken extra time getting ready. She eventually settled on black leather pants, a pale peach loose chiffon shirt with a white tank top underneath. She wore the shirt with the sleeves rolled up and the front mostly unbuttoned. To accessorise the outfit she wore her favourite pieces from her collection, a geometric designed neck piece and a black metal cuff with an oil spill effect. She wasn't dressing up for him. This was an important business meeting and she wanted to look polished and professional. She was new to the world of fashion and didn't want to look like an outsider. He'd only ever seen her in her trademark leggings and oversized jumper/t-shirt combo. She slicked on some red lip gloss and checked herself in the mirror one last time. She looked like she was ready for a date, maybe it was too much but it was too late to change. Getting ready had taken longer than expected and she was going to be late if she didn't leave right now. She didn't want to keep him waiting. "I don't want him to think I'm standing him up, that's a lousy way to make a first impression."

Saeran was waiting for her at the café. He had chosen a table near the window and already ordered himself a coffee. He looked over his portfolio while he waited for her to arrive. It had samples of the types of layouts he usually did for fashion shoots and he also brought along his tablet to show her templates of the websites he had designed before. This meeting was just to get a feel for the client's aesthetic and get to know them better before they started working together. He fully expected a mousy little girl with long brown hair that covered her eyes, leggings and Converse sneakers to walk up to him but instead a woman in leather pants and a shirt slipping off one shoulder sat down across from him. Her hair was tied back in one thick braid cascading down her back. Her bangs were swept to one side away from her face. He stared at her till she introduced herself. "Hi, you must be Saeran. I'm Shae, I hope you didn't wait too long" "No, I just got here a little while ago" he replied. Her lips were cherry red, his favourite colour. She placed her bag on the empty chair and excused herself to order a coffee at the counter leaving him to wonder if she had always looked this way and he had never noticed or was she hiding all this under those baggy t-shirts and jumpers.

Shae took her time at the counter looking at the menu written on the wall above her. She had to amend her previous impression of him from band member to lead singer. He was hot. He wore black skinny jeans, boots and a red tank top. A simple leather collar and spiked cuff accented his look. He had taken his jacket off and Shae could see he had the outlines of a sleeve tattoo on his arm. She grabbed her tall caramel macchiato. She needed the sugar and caffeine to calm her nerves as she walked back to the table. "Business Shae, Strictly business" she reminded herself.

They discussed the layout and she showed him a few samples of her work. He was very interested in her neck piece and examined it carefully while touching her neck slightly. Shae was feeling a little flushed but Saeran seemed unfazed. He recommended that they shoot in his studio where he had the right equipment and lighting to capture all the fine details. He wrote the address for the studio on the piece of paper along with his private cell number that she could call anytime if she had any questions. They ordered more coffee and spoke for a while after the business portion of the meeting had ended, catching up on the last 10 years since they has last seen each other. Saeran learned that Shae had dropped out of an engineering program at college to pursue jewellery design which surprised him as she seemed to really like science at school. Shae purposely left out some of the more uncomfortable details of her past. He told her of her did all kinds of photography, liked to travel and web design was something her picked up along the way as an extra service he could offer clients. They were getting along really well when her phone rang; she answered it speaking briefly before ending the call. Saeran noticed Shae looked a little sad when she mentioned that she had to leave to pick her mother up from her doctor's appointment. It was like a dark cloud had rolled in. He wanted to ask her what was bothering her but decided against it. It was too soon to get into personal matters. Although he really wanted to get more personal with her, would Shae want to get personal with him? He hadn't thought about getting close with any girl since his ex-girlfriend Rika and Shae was nothing like Rika.


	6. Chapter 6

Not Rika:

Saeran had met Rika on a photo shoot. He was working as a secondary photographer. It was grunt work but he was a freelancer with bills to pay. Rika was a short blonde woman, very bubbly and sociable. She was a popular fashion blogger, stylist and a social media influencer. He wasn't sure what that last part was but he guessed it meant that she told people what was cool to wear and what wasn't. His first impression of her was too "handsy"; who hugs people they just met? She was way too loud and definitely stood out. She was a refreshing change from the typical model types he'd meet on shoots. Instead of the usual waifs sitting around in clouds of cigarette smoke looking permanently unimpressed, she was like a ray of sunshine, buxom and bouncy. She had sparked his curiosity and he began to look out for her on shoots and followed her on her instagram account. She was always surrounded by people; models, actors even wealthy business people who were too rich or too fancy to shop or dress themselves. They were mostly men, a fact he found annoying.

His first big shoot was the lead photographer for a luxury handbag line. He was nervous but also excited. The designer had seen his work and asked for him by name, this was his big break. While triple checking his lighting setup he bumped into someone who was standing too close behind him knocking them down. "I'm sorry, are you ok?" He asked as he turned around to see who he'd knocked into. It was Rika, "I'm fine, I landed on my butt but I'll survive" she laughed. Saeran ran flustered and reach over to help her up and was about to her dust off her dress when he stopped himself just short of touching her behind. "Saeran, that's your name right? We've met before, I'm Rika. I don't know if you remember me. So you're the main photographer today. I've seen your work before you're really great…" She shook his hand firmly and spoke so quickly it was hard to get a word in edgewise. "Is it ok if I call you Ran? It's so nice to working with a talented guy like yourself. I have a few ideas I'd like to run by you before we start." Before he had a chance to assess the situation he was being whisked off, hand in hand by Rika excitedly chatting about which model and out went with each bag. None of this was really his concern as a photographer but he enjoyed having Rika hold his hand and being the centre of her attention for once. The shoot ended late in the evening and he noticed her hanging out near the exit say goodbye to the models that were heading home. "Hi there Rika, I'm head off now. Did you come on your own or are you still waiting for someone to pick you up?" Saeran asked nervously. He didn't want her to go home, he wanted to spend more time with her and maybe ask her on a date. "I can wait with you if want, just till your ride gets here?"

Rika smiled back at him coyly "Well I came with a model friend and she just left. You don't mind taking me home do you?" She hooked her arm in his and walked towards the parking lot "So which one's yours?" Saeran pointed to his cherry red Honda Civic Type R. Its wasn't as fancy as the cars he's seen her in on her instagram but it was his pride and joy and it took him a good few months to save up for the deposit for it. "It looks fast, I bet we'll get there in no time" Rika was still smiling sweetly at him. Saeran wasn't sure what to say not that he needed to, seeing as Rika spoke non-stop. When they arrived at the apartment she thanked him for the ride and he started the car about to drive off. She leaned over suddenly through the open window on the driver's side and placed her hand over his on the steering wheel. "Aren't you going to going to walk me to my door?" Saeran quickly switched off the car and got out. He walked her to the elevator, his heart racing and palms sweating. Her apartment was on the top floor, a penthouse suite. He still couldn't believe any of this was happening. Maybe he was misunderstanding all of this. She'll probably just thank him again at the door and he'd head home for nice cold beer and an even colder shower. She unlocked the door and walked right inside without turning around, saying goodbye or even closing the door. Saeran just stood at there in the doorway not sure if he should leave or close the door. Rika called out to him from inside "Are you coming in or are you going to stand out there all night?" He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and walked into the apartment closing the door behind him. "I'm probably dreaming or I've died and this is heaven". He stayed that night and then the next one. Before he knew it they were seeing each other regularly, nothing serious just two people having fun.

Rika pulled him into her world of parties, yachts and trips overseas. All paid for by her sponsors and wealthy friends. It was great to be with Rika everyone loved her. Eventually he found out why Rika was so popular amongst the celebrities and the rich. She was a "concierge" for anything drug related her clients could want. They got whatever they needed from a cute blonde girl directly to them. No shady back alley deals that could be traced back to them. They paid a premium cost but it was quick and easy. Saeran was shocked when he found out but it was too late to go home he was already in too deep. Rika had stashed some product in his suitcase during their last trip. At first he was upset that she had done this without his knowledge "What if I got caught? Do you think I want spend the rest of my life in a foreign jail?" he yelled at her but all Rika did was grab his face and kiss him deeply. She looked him in the eyes as she told him "I'd never let anything bad happen to you Ran. Please don't leave me" He was in love with her and would do anything for her. Rika said she loved him too and she would take care of him. He moved into her penthouse apartment, lovingly called Magenta due to the bright pink accent walls. When photography work was slow he worked for her. Shooting images for her blog and instagram account as well as picking up and dropping off packages for her clients. Before long he stopped doing commercial photography all together. He was a kept man and it was paradise at first but slowly Rika's true nature started to show. She was a control freak and everything had to be the way she wanted or she lost it. She had a violent temper and was fond of punishing anyone who disagreed or disobeyed her.

Saeran had used drugs "recreationally" before he met Rika and it was never a problem but now he had full access to them, as much as he wanted whenever he wanted. Rika encouraged him to take whatever he liked. "He's more fun to be around when he's high and less moody" she would laugh. He worked for hours when "buzzed" not eating or sleeping much, while she praised him for helping her expand her business on all fronts. It was too late when he realised that his addiction was not just to drugs but to her, his "saviour" as she liked him to call her.

The first time he met V was at an exhibition at an art gallery. He was one of the exhibitors and Rika was a big fan of his. She gushed about his work and draped herself on his arm. The looked like the perfect couple. Jealousy welled up again. Rika was like this with some of her clients too but he pushed those thoughts away, she loved him right? She had started seeing V more frequently, he was from a wealthy family and had well connected friends. Saeran has accepted that he had to share her now. They were never mutually exclusive but as long as she still had time for him he didn't mind as much. When V proposed he knew it was over. He had to move out and Rika asked him to stay at their warehouse location she rented out as a stash spot/storage for the clothes and items she needed for her stylist business known as Mint Eye. He still worked for her as a photographer, runner and go between but her relationship with him was over. He built a small studio in the corner of the warehouse and lived in the loft area he had converted from an office to an apartment. Rika paid most of the warehouses bills and gave him a cut of the profits from his "courier" job. He didn't need to shoot but it kept him busy. He had developed an expensive drug habit that both made his work better but kept him broke at the same time. His "saviour" had cast him out and he now lived in purgatory. That was until he received an email from a person from his past.


	7. Chapter 7

Close encounters:

Shae visited him at the studio bringing samples of her jewellery for him to photograph and working on her website. He had even made her a logo for her company. It was nothing fancy but it incorporated the industrial style of her pieces. Her jewellery design studio was called "Alchemy" as she saw her work as a mixture of science and art. Her first few visits were all business but soon she started to stay afterwards. Sometimes they'd grab lunch and just chat for hours. Saeran wouldn't admit it at first but he was lonely. Distancing himself from Rika meant cutting ties with some of his close friends. She was the centre of his world and her sending him away made him feel like the sun had gone out. Shae didn't ask for anything from him and didn't want to control him. He couldn't be sure since they had only just started to see each other but it seemed like she was lonely too. He tried not to pry too much about her past relationships in case it prompted to her asking him about his and that was something he'd rather not talk about. He just enjoyed her company. She could be serious and business-like one moment and making inappropriate jokes the next. Her laugh was genuine and infectious. He wondered why he hadn't made an effort to get to know her when they were still in high school. They could have been great friends, even after everything that happened and he could really have used that back then.

For Shae it was so easy to talk to Saeran, he never judged her for breaking her tough girl façade and throwing out some zany one-liners. She always had to be the professional woman to the bank, the hopeful daughter to her mother and the realist with the doctors. She spent so much of her time tensed up worried about saying the wrong thing to people that she never really got to relax till now. Shae dropped by Saeran's place just to hang out together sometimes. Her favourite get togethers were movie nights. Saeran like horror movies and Shae didn't but it was his turn to choose tonight, "Saeran, I can't believe you like this movie!" "Relax Shae, the best part is still to come, they're going to go check the attic next. Big mistake" he chuckled. The screaming teens were running away from the masked killer on the screen only to fall over nothing and get hacked to death. "How am I supposed to sleep alone at home after watching that?" she protested. She'd probably leave the light on in her room just in case. Saeran leaned closer to her on the couch in his loft apartment. He whispered in her ear "You don't have to go home tonight if you don't want to". Shae responded without looking at him "Great, let's watch another movie then, a comedy this time. Have you ever watched "Dude, where's my car?" before? It's a classic; it's so bad that it's good." She popped on the movie and grabbed the bowl of popcorn, snuggling up to him happily. Saeran hadn't missed how she just brushed off his suggestion. Maybe he was moving too fast for her liking but she didn't get upset and she hadn't left.

Shae had fallen asleep on the couch before the movie even ended and Saeran had a serious case of déjà vu. This time she wasn't distraught crying herself to sleep on his couch, she was happy and comfortable enough to let her guard down around him. Shae had told him a lot about herself over the last few visits. Her mom was really sick, probably dying and she blamed herself for everything that happened. She thought it might be related to the stress she caused her by dropping out of college or something like that. Her mood changes quite quickly, she gets depressed sometimes and he can sense there's more to that story than she lets on. She has money troubles due to her mother's medical bills and her loan repayments. Shae joked that she had a fortune in life insurance but she'd have to be dead to get hold of it. She laughed at the thought that the answer to all her problems was so near and yet so far.

Shae had wormed her way into an uncomfortable position on the couch. She would definitely have a sore neck in the morning if he left her like that. They were friends now, maybe more. It would be fine if he moved her so she wouldn't get hurt. He was still rationalising his choice as he lifted her off the couch and placed her in his bed. He decided against removing her clothes to make her more comfortable but covered her with the comforter as the loft was drafty and could get cold at night. Now for the next problem where would he sleep? Well his options were the couch or the bed. He chose the bed but he would keep most of his clothes on. He took off his boots, jacket and t-shirt leaving him in just his jeans and tank top. He lay next to on the bed and listened to her breathing. It was slow and steady.

There was something he hadn't told her and he wasn't sure he wanted to. He had a drug habit that was a pretty big part of his life and worse than that he still worked for Rika making him essentially a drug courier. Shae would probably never figure it out by herself. He was always careful; he smoked instead of shooting up so she'd never see any tracks on his arms. His personal stash was well concealed under a loose floor board under the bed. He could keep her and his other life separate. It was totally possible.

He shivered a little from the cold and a little because he was craving his next fix. He had one before Shae came over but that was hours ago. He couldn't risk her finding him using so he had to stick it out till she went home. He climbed under the comforter with Shae getting as close as he dared to steal some of her body heat without violating her intimate space. Morning couldn't come quickly enough for him. Saeran woke first to find Shae snuggled up against his chest. Her one hand was curled up under her head and the other hand was in a more precarious position. She has slipped her hand under his tank top and it was now resting low on his abs tangled up in the fabric of his tank top. He needed to extract himself from this situation before Shae woke up. He regretted climbing into bed with Shae just as much as he regretted wearing skinny jeans to bed. He was in a lot of discomfort and really needed to get to the bathroom. As if his prayers were heard her phone's alarm went off. Shae drowsily groped around for her phone not realising she wasn't at home or in her own bed. She opened one eye and assessed the situation before asking "Saeran, where's my phone". "It's on the coffee table" he answered. Shae took a quick look under the comforter, noting that they were both still fully dressed and smiled at Saeran. After a small yawn she got out of the bed and walked over to her phone turning off the alarm and checking her messages. "I have to go home. My mom is worried about me being out so late". Shae slipped on her shoes and walked over to him leaning down and giving him a kiss on the cheek. "I'll call you later, thanks for last night…" And just like that she was gone. Once the door to the loft was closed Saeran got out of the bed too. He had a lot of things he had to take care of this morning but first he really needed a cup of coffee and a fix.


	8. Chapter 8

Brothers:

Saeran missed many things since leaving Magenta, waking up in Rika's arms was one of them. One of the things he didn't miss was Saeyoung. Saeyoung was a jerk to put it lightly, the kind of guy who'd go out of his way to ruin your day. He ran Rika's other side business, she calls it information management but Saeran called it blackmail. Rika's nickname for Saeyoung was Sae. He was her golden boy, hacker genius and surveillance expert. Rika used her position to get close to wealthy marks, gleaning off any potential scandalous behaviour (leaving out anything that could incriminate her directly) and then send Saeyoung in to get hard evidence. He does the dirty work, Rika kept her hands clean even providing a shoulder to cry on for her distraught clients. Saeyoung was a sadist, he enjoyed making people suffer and loved make them uncomfortable just to watch them squirm. He claimed to be religious, says that he only punished sinners but don't let the cross he wears fool you. He's no angel unless you still count Lucifer as an angel.

Saeyoung pulled up outside the Mint Eye warehouse. It was earlier than he usually started his work for the day but it was worth it to go irritate his favourite target. He hated Saeran's guts and would never understand what Rika could possibly have seen in him. Saeyoung was a better man than him in every single way, why couldn't Rika see that? And now that V was in the picture his chance was gone for good. Someone had to pay for that and that someone was Saeran. He drove his black Porsche Cayenne with the dark limo tinted windows and black wheels. He considered it the most understated of his babies, perfect for someone who worked for "707 Security Management", a front company for Rika's shady business. He was there to check up on Saeran at Rika's request. Saeran had been suspiciously quiet, not even showing up for their weekly catch-up sessions or the last monthly party. Rika was concerned he was thinking of leaving the business or maybe starting his own. Either way he knew too much and needed to be kept on a short leash or eliminated completely. Saeyoung knew which option he'd choose but Rika wanted to keep him around. She said she thought of them as family and the two of them were like brothers. He didn't like it but no-one argued with Rika.

He had reviewed the security footage of the Mint Eye parking lot for the past two months and noticed something strange. A woman he didn't recognize visiting the warehouse on multiple occasions. At first the visits were only in the daytime but then at night too. At least once she never left until the next morning. What the hell was Saeran playing at? Mint Eye was a stash house; he could use a small corner for a studio to keep up appearance of being a legitimate business but he had to keep visitors to a minimum. Mostly he just photographed clothes and accessories for Rika's blog or look books for her stylist clients. The woman didn't look like a cop, too young and her style of clothing wouldn't hide recording equipment or a gun. Saeyoung was obsessed with details, even small ones that could indicate a problem but he couldn't be sure. He wanted to beat the shit out of Saeran for putting the whole operation at risk for a piece of ass, clearly he was thinking with the wrong head. Saeyoung walked up to the side entrance of the building, gaining access by punching the password into the keypad. He knew the password but he also had a master key card in case Saeran changed the password.

He stepped inside walking pass the studio and up the spiral stairs to the loft. The door was unlocked and he waltzed right in. The loft was arranged like a bachelor pad. A large double bed was up against the back wall flanked by a wardrobe on one side and a computer desk with a chair on the other. A big black leather sofa and flat screen TV glass coffee table formed a sitting area in front of the bed. There was a small kitchen area in one corner and what must have been a bathroom door next to it. The place had a black and grey theme with the odd splash of red. The loft screamed Saeran and Saeyoung thought it looked drab and depressing. He made his way to the couch after grabbing a red apple from the silver bowl on the kitchen table. Just as he pulled out his phone to check his emails Saeran walked out of the bathroom shirtless in just his usual black jeans. The two men glared at each other for a minute before Saeran final spoke. "What the fuck are you doing in my place Saeyoung?" "Is that anyway to greet your brother Saeran?" He took a bite of the apple and chewed it slowly. "Rika's not here so you can cut the brother bullshit, why are you here?" Saeran walked to the wardrobe dropping the towel he had in his hand on the floor and pulled out a white t-shirt. Saeyoung swallowed his bite and replied "Rika misses you; you haven't been around Magenta lately". "She has V now, why would she miss me?" It was hard to miss the bitterness in his voice. "She's worried you're thinking of leaving our little family and I'm worried about you getting reckless around Mint Eye. Who's the girl?" Saeran was surprised by the second question but replied coldly "I wouldn't dream of leaving and the girl is nobody." Saeyoung continued to munch his apple thoughtfully. "She does doesn't look like a working girl, at least not one you could afford. I know how much Rika pays you. How do you know she's not an undercover cop?" "She's not" Saeran shot back. "But how can you be so sure?" "I just do, OK!" "Does she know about our business?" "No, she thinks that I'm a photographer and I design websites" Saeyoung noticed a little bit of desperation in his voice which was interesting. "Look Saeyoung she's a jewellery designer and I'm doing a website for her" "Are you sure that's all you're doing?" Saeyoung smirked "Don't forget there are cameras watching this place so it's no use lying to me." Saeran started to panic a little. "She's a client, you can look at images of her stuff on the computer" He pointed to the computer in the corner next to the bed. Saeyoung threw his hands up in surrender "Okay then, but just two questions? Do all your clients spend the night or is it just the cute ones and is it part of the package or is that a separate charge?" Saeran's face was completely red he could barely contain his irritation. This is what Saeyoung loved to do most, find a weakness and exploit it. "Rika's having a party at Magenta at the end of the month, come along and bring your friend. Don't even think about bailing on us or I'll call her up myself. Rika loves meeting designers. Maybe they could do business together." Saeyoung's laugh became more sinister. This wasn't a request this was an order.

Saeyoung would do a background check on Shae, if he's seen her car he has her vehicle registration number and that's all he needs. By tomorrow he's know everything about her. He was glad he didn't lie but now he had to introduce Shae to Rika. Could his day get any worse? Saeyoung walked towards the door of the loft and grabbed his keys from the kitchen table. He stopped just short of the thresh hold and stuck his hand into his pocket pulling out a baggie of beige crystals. He tossed it to Saeran who inspected it. "What the hell is this?" "It's a gift from Rika, she wants you to stop being moody and keep up the good work" As Saeyoung walked back to the car Saeran just stood there with his hand in his pocket grasping at the small bag nestled in his jeans pocket. He'd been planning on quitting soon; he had to if he ever wanted to get away from Rika. He'd been cutting back, trying to get to a point where he only used occasionally. But here in his pocket was about a week's worth and unfortunately his willpower just wasn't that strong.


	9. Chapter 9

Getting ready for the party:

Shae couldn't believe what she hearing. Saeran was inviting her to a fundraising party hosted by one of his most important clients, Rika. The party was hosted once a month and the guest list was super exclusive. The purpose of the party was to introduce young and upcoming designers in the fashion industry to corporate bigwigs, potential investors and celebrity cliental. It would be a huge opportunity for her if she could get an investor for her studio and it could go a long way to helping her out of her financial trouble. Shae was overwhelmed with gratitude for Saeran, to think that he would go out of his way to do this for her. She never expected anything but a little bit of understanding when she told him about her financial trouble, but he had gone above and beyond to help her out. She hugged him hard when he told her, wrapping her arms around his neck, pushing her body against his and kissed him on the lips. He leaned into her at first but quickly pulled away. Shae let go of him realising that her affection was not being reciprocated. "I'm sorry, I was just so excited and I got a bit carried away" she smiled awkwardly. Had she misread the situation? Their last time together made her feel like something like this should be ok. She was confused but decided to just carry on like it was no big deal. "What should I wear, is there like a dress code? I should just buy something new, I don't really own much fancy clothes" Shae wondered out loud. Saeran wasn't really listening to her anymore. He felt a wave of guilt wash over him. She had no idea what he had just done by inviting her to the party. He was bringing a lamb to a den of wolves. The most dangerous people he knew were going to be there. Rika and Saeyoung were a part of his life he was hoping to keep away from his new relationship. Shae was so happy, so grateful for what he'd done, she had even kissed him. He felt like a dog, if anything happened to her it would be totally his fault. He had pulled away from her embrace because he felt like he was going to be sick, wracked with guilt and ashamed of his double life. Her face had dropped at his rejection but he couldn't tell her why he was unhappy, it wasn't her. She was great, so perfect in so many ways and much too good for him. He hadn't even taken her to Magenta yet she was already getting hurt, because of him. Because everything he touched seemed to go to hell and that now included her. "Can I come by your place before the party? we can go together if that's cool with you? It's just that I'm a little weird around new people so it would be nice to go with a familiar face. You know just as friends" Shae asked hopefully. Saeran felt like he had been stabbed in the heart by the last few words of her request. "That will be fine, I know the way there so there's no point in taking two cars right?" Saeran kept his tone as even as he could. He didn't want her to hear the discomfort in his voice. He had gone from kissing her to being "friend zoned" in a flash but what did he expect, he had pushed her away.

Saturday came faster than expected and Shae arrived at Mint Eye to meet up with Saeran as agreed. She wasn't sure what to wear to a cocktail party but the sales girls at the boutique told her that this was what everyone was wearing. The dress was a flirty design; black, off-the-shoulder and short. It was a lot more skin than Shae was used to showing but she attempted to cover up a little with sheer thigh high stockings with lace trim on the top. She wore black high heel pumps and a black beaded choker necklace to complete the look. It was so far out of her comfort zone but she was willing to pull out all the stops to make the most this opportunity. Her business and her mom depended on her to get a least some interest in her jewellery design studio. She hoped Saeran would approve of her dress choice; she didn't want to embarrass him or look out of place with his glamorous friends. Shae waited in Saeran's studio instead of heading up to the loft apartment and waiting on his couch or sitting on his bed. It was something she had done many times before but now it felt like she was invading his privacy. He called down to her that he'd be ready in a minute while he tried to knot his tie for the 2nd time. Finally satisfied with how it looked he gave his outfit one final look over. He wore a black shirt and black pants with a white tie. Patent leather dress shoes and belt made the look more formal. He remembered that Rika had chosen this outfit for him on one of her shopping trips. She had said that it looked good on him and she was right.

He had been dreading this night since Saeyoung rocked up at Mint Eye. A small part of him prayed that he could pull this off, she'd meet Rika and a few business people and head back to his place. He stopped himself before he let that train of thought distract him. He walked gingerly down the spiral stairs, there was no use delaying the inevitable. He caught sight of Shae sitting on the white desk in the studio. She was playing with her phone letting her legs dangle off edge of the desk. She hadn't noticed her dress had pulled up slightly exposing the lace top of her stockings. Saeran was suddenly feeling very warm in his buttoned up shirt, he undid the collar and loosened his tie slightly. "Are you ready to go?" Shae asked as she hopped off the desk and started to smooth her dress over her thighs. "Yeah" Saeran replied as his mind was struggling to form words other than "Fuck me, you look sexy". "You look really good all dressed up, like a celebrity or something" Shae laughed "We look like twins in matching outfits" she chuckled and gave a little twirl in her dress. His eye wandered as the twirling made the dress rise up and down. He placed his hand on her shoulder to usher her to the exit only to realise that her shoulders were bare and he was touching her skin. "We can take my car, I don't think I'll be drinking tonight" Saeran started his car and they drove into the city. The drive was relaxed with only light traffic, Shae sang along to the radio and Saeran's mind focused on the task at hand. Whatever happened tonight he had to make sure Saeyoung stayed the hell away from Shae.


	10. Chapter 10

Rika's Fundraising Party:

They arrived at the party while it was in full swing. Shae walked in arm in arm with Saeran, she was nervous and needed the reassuring warmth of his arm. She hoped he didn't mind being her security blanket for the evening even if he didn't think of her as more than a friend. She met Rika soon after walking into the party, she was a gracious host greeting guests and hugging friends. Shae's first impression was that Rika looked like an angel. Long blonde flowing hair and her long white silk dress added to her angelic appearance, coupled with a warm friendly smile she was definitely the centre of everyone's attention. Saeran introduced Shae only for her to be whisked away by Rika. Rika said she had seen pictures of some of her designs and absolutely loved them. She had so many people she wanted Shae to meet, the first being Zen. Zen was a famous actor and model. Shae had seen his face on billboards across the city advertising a romantic comedy he starred in, it was a big hit in the cinemas right now. Even in the highest pair of heels Shae had ever worn, Zen still towered over her. He introduced himself and kissed her hand, Shae was a little star-struck and blushed furiously. He was still talking about his latest role when he was whisked away by two beautiful women who had something they wanted to show him.

Next up Rika introduced Jumin and Saeyoung. Jumin was clearly a very serious businessman and his company invested in all kinds of enterprises. Shae felt a little sheepish talking with him. His demeanour was cold but Rika kept gushing about Shae's jewellery design company. Shae knew that Jumin was the kind of man she needed to invest in her studio but she couldn't seem to spark his interest until Saeyoung stepped in. He started talking about cats and Jumin joined in on the conversation. At one point Saeyoung asked her if she ever considered making jewellery for cats, Shae laughed and said no but she had considered doing some ancient Egyptian themed pieces based on hieroglyphs. They had a cat goddess called Bastet, so she might end up doing a few cat-themed pieces. Jumin thought this was a wonderful idea, "cat-themed jewellery for cats" he smirked stroking his face thoughtfully "Elizabeth 3rd would like that". He gave her his business card telling her to call his secretary on Monday to arrange a formal presentation for her ideas. Shae wanted to clarify that she meant cat-themed jewellery for people but Saeyoung just laughed and shook his head letting her know that it was better if she didn't. Jumin excused himself to go somewhere leaving Shae with Saeyoung and Rika. Rika spotted someone across the room that she wanted Shae to meet but it would be better if she just stayed there and Rika would fetch the person. Shae was alone with Saeyoung now. He grabbed two glasses of champagne off the tray of a passing server and handed one to her. Shae wanted to decline telling him that she didn't really drink much. "You aren't underage are you? I don't want to be corrupting a minor" he laughed. "No, I'm old enough to drink I just don't do it often" Shae replied. "Then it's okay to just have a little right?" Shae couldn't argue with that. She didn't want to tell him the real reason she didn't drink, her therapist had told her not to. Antidepressants and alcohol was a bad combination but a little champagne couldn't hurt right. Saeran had disappeared after they met with Rika, Rika said that there were people waiting to talk to him and Shae hadn't seen him since. Normally this would have made her really anxious being that it was an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people. Lucky for her Saeyoung was there making silly jokes and talking about Honey Buddha chips. He had fiery red hair and tortoise-shell framed glasses. He wore a black shirt with the top three buttons undone and a large silver cross around his neck. Shae had looked at it closely it was a simple design but it was definitely handmade. By the time Rika had returned with her fiancé V Shae had already had two glasses of champagne while chatting with Saeyoung. Rika introduced V, he was a photographer and some of his best pieces were hanging on the walls of the penthouse apartment. He spoke of Rika as the love of his life and the inspiration for all his work. He asked Shae if seen had seen Jumin; Shae nodded and pointed him in the direction she had seen him go off earlier. V left to look for Jumin and Rika asked Saeyoung if he could spare her a moment. Before he walked away he handed Shae another glass of champagne telling her he'd find her later to talk some more.

Shae was alone now, with a glass in hand she walked around admiring V's beautiful work on the walls. He had been to so many exotic locations, Shae never been overseas but that didn't mean she hadn't thought about going far away from here, far from her problems. Her wandering had led her to a small anteroom with a balcony. The room was dark but the curtains were partially moved and the glass doors to the balcony were open. Shae walked quietly towards the balcony to go look outside not thinking anyone would be out there. She stopped when she heard voices, a man and a woman. It was Saeyoung and Rika. Shae wondered if she had just walked in on some kind of intimate moment. She could see their silhouettes through the curtains.

Rika and Saeyoung were standing very close to each other having a serious conversation. Were they lovers? Shae should have left, this was none of her business even if Rika was already engaged to V and Saeyoung didn't seem like the kind of guy to do something like that. Shae moved closer and caught snippets of their conversation. "I went after Zen first, he just installed those security cameras you recommended to watch out for the crazy fans but I didn't find anything conclusive. Then I went after Jumin, His security is top notch but luckily I'm better. He has dozens of cameras in the building but the real surprise was the one in his bedroom." Saeyoung laughed. "I piggy backed the remote Wi-Fi feed and sent a copy of the footage to secure cloud storage." Rika leaned closer to Saeyoung and asked "So what's on the footage?" "I can send it to you if you want but it's pretty explicit. Damn, Jumin's a freak in the sheets but I should have expected it. No-one can be that uptight all the time. The person I feel sorry for is Zen, I don't think he knows he's being filmed" Saeyoung laughed darkly. Rika spoke next "Don't go directly for Jumin he has the money and resources to make things troublesome for us. Rather send a snippet of the footage to Zen with the demands for a pay-off or you'll send it to TMZ. He doesn't have the money himself but he'll go straight to Jumin for help. Either way there's a huge pay day here for us Saeyoung. You did great baby." She kissed him on the cheek. At this point Shae figured she'd get out of there. She was confused about what she just heard and a little dizzy. Was she drunk? She had only had a few drinks but she was already losing her co-ordination. One her way out of the room she bumped into to the side table. Before she could stop herself a small "Ouch!" escaped her lips as she left the room. She needed to find Saeran right now her mind was fuzzy and she had to tell him what she heard.

She found him walking through the passage and grabbed him by the arm yanking him into a nearby bedroom. Saeran was having a lousy night. Rika had him working the party making deals and arrangement for future drop-offs. That had completely thrown off his plan to stay by Shae's side all night. But now she pulled him into a bedroom. Shae looked confused as they both sat on the bed. "Are you drunk?" he asked her. "I think I am but I shouldn't be. I have to tell you something…" Shae was slurring her words. Saeran heartbeat sped up a little, was this going to be a drunken confession? "I saw Rika and Saeyoung on the balcony kissing. I think Saeyoung said Jumin and Zen are gay and they have to pay to keep it a secret" Shae seemed unsure but Saeran knew exactly what happened. He was surprised to hear that Jumin and Zen were gay and that Rika and Saeyoung were kissing but the blackmail was no surprise to him. This was just business as usual for Rika. He needed to get Shae out of there before she went off and blabbed to anyone else. She was drunk and it was too much of a risk to stay here any longer. Saeran told Shae to stay in the bedroom till he got back and under no circumstances was she to talk to Saeyoung. He couldn't just leave he needed to make up an excuse to tell Rika explaining why they had to leaving early.

Shae flopped backwards on the bed. The room was really spinning now and she closed her eyes to try and make it stop. It seemed like only a few minutes had passed when the door opened again. She expected to see Saeran but it was Saeyoung instead. He closed to door behind him and sat down beside her on the bed. "I'm surprised to see you here alone. I really thought I'd catch you in here with Saeran but he left you all by yourself. I never took him for being a kinky bastard but here he is leaving his new girlfriend in his old girlfriend's bedroom." Shae wasn't feeling great but Saeyoung had caught her attention and she propped herself up on her elbows. "What do you mean by that?" Saeyoung's face twisted into an evil grin.

"Oh he hasn't told you has he? He used to be Rika's boyfriend or should I say pet. He even lived here, this used to be his room. You know he probably fucked her on this very bed." Shae was stunned silent but Saeyoung continued his tirade. "I know all about you too. You've got some serious debt there girly. And your poor dear mother how will she ever afford her medical treatment. But I'm sure you'll think of something. After all you're the kind of girl who does whatever it takes to get ahead. Even went as far as fucking a teacher in college. That's why they threw you out wasn't it?" Shae was furiously trying to hold back the tears but Saeyoung was enjoying himself too much to stop. "I didn't check out the teacher, was he an old guy? Gross he was probably old. My college Profs were like ancient. You must have been really desperate for that passing grade. It's a shame you got caught." Saeyoung was laughing maniacally. Saeran hold told her stay in the bedroom and wait for him but she couldn't be here with Saeyoung any longer. She got up to leave but was hit with a sudden dizzy spell and fell down, landing on the carpeted floor next to the bed. Saeyoung stood up and walked over to her. Standing over her as she tried to get up he taunted her once again. "I've seen your medical records you know. Didn't your shrink tell you that antidepressants and alcohol are a dangerous together? You'll get drunk so much faster but I think you've figured that one for yourself". Shae was upright again, she didn't think she'd make it pass Saeyoung to the door of the bedroom but she could get to the en-suite bathroom. She dashed to the bathroom but before she could lock the door Saeyoung walked in too. She was now trapped in the small bathroom with Saeyoung. His expression changed again as he went back to the same happy tone of voice he had when they chatted earlier. "What's a nice girl like you doing with a low life like Saeran? Is he your dealer or do you just like the bad boy types. I can be very bad if you like that kind of thing. You know Saeran and I are like brothers I'm sure he won't mind sharing you with me." He grabbed her hand by the wrist and pulled her towards him. His grip was strong and his other hand was grabbing her butt. Shae whimpered in protest "Stop, please. I don't know what you're talking about." Saeyoung laughed in his usual sinister way and whispered in her ear "It's not nice to eavesdrop on other people's conversation. What do you think Rika will do to you if she found out? I won't tell her if you can convince me not to." He started to run his hand that was previously on her wrist underneath her dress and up her thigh feeling the lace at the top of her stocking. He was too close, touching her without her consent and this threw Shae into full on fight or fight mode. Fuelled by pure adrenaline her instincts kicked in and she pushed her body forward towards him instead of pulling away like she had been doing before. He wasn't expecting that at all. In the confusion she shoved him back hard knocking him off balance. It wasn't much but it gave her an opening to get out of the bathroom.

Saeran had made apologies to Rika saying that Shae didn't feel well and he was taking her home. Rika squealed with delight talking about young love and how much of a gentleman Saeran was. Everyone in her company smiled and nodded in agreement. It had taken a while for him to wrap things up but now was the chance for Saeran to grab Shae and get the hell out of here before she got herself into real trouble. He bumped into Shae as she ran out of the bedroom and raced straight to the front door. Saeran looked to her for an explanation but she said nothing. Her eyes were red and teary and her makeup was smeared. As he followed her out of the penthouse, looking back he saw Saeyoung standing in the doorway of the bedroom he had left Shae in.

He was smiling as he adjusted his shirt and straightening his cross around his neck. Finally alone in the elevator Shae looked at him as if he was a stranger. She was still trembling from the encounter with Saeyoung in the bathroom. Saeran spoke first "What's wrong? What's going on? I thought I told you to wait in the bedroom" Shae eyed him with distrust "Saeyoung cornered me in the bathroom. He knows I overheard him and Rika talking and wanted me to convince him not to tell her with my body. He asked if you were my dealer." Saeran's eyes widened, his secret was out of the bag. He turned to her and asked "Did he touch you? I swear to fucking God I'll fucking kill him if he did" His anger was spilling over as he grabbed her by the shoulders bending slightly to look her in the eyes. Shae responded with barely contained rage "He grabbed me and got handsy but that's all. You haven't answered my question yet". The elevator had reached the ground floor and Shae stepped out followed by Saeran. They walked towards his car in silence. Finally Shae had had enough. "Dammit Saeran, is what that sleaze ball said about you true? Are you a drug dealer? Is Rika your ex? How the hell does he know everything about me?" He silence just made Shae angrier. "Forget it! I'll just get a cab home". She walked to the busy street and hailed a taxi leaving Saeran in the parking lot. Later that night he received a text message from Shae. It read "I need to be able to trust you for this thing, whatever it is between us to work. I don't care what you do, just don't lie to me" Back at Mint Eye he grabbed a glass tumbler and the half empty bottle of Jack Daniels from the kitchen. He sat on the sofa and poured himself a double placing the rest of the bottle on glass coffee table. Why was he so upset that she knew what he did on the side and that he associated with fucked up people like Saeyoung and Rika? She must have known it by now, he was a bad person. It weighed heavily on his mind. He liked her a little, okay maybe more than a little but how did she feel about him now? Especially after everything that happened. He couldn't just let her leave. With Saeyoung and maybe even Rika knowing about her it wasn't safe for her out there. He needed to protect her.


	11. Chapter 11

Aftermath:

The taxi driver dropped Shae off outside her house and waited till she was inside before he left. She had spent the entire taxi ride in silence, trying to control her breathing and trying not to cry. The elderly gentleman seemed concerned and asked if she was alright but didn't question further when she said she was. She stood on her doorstep fumbling with her keys and considered ringing the doorbell but it was already late so her mother was probably in bed by now. After what seemed like ages she found the right key and let herself in. Shae headed straight for her bedroom. Once inside she took of her shoes and her clothes tossing them in the corner of the room. She had a strong urge to toss the whole lot into a trash can and maybe set it on fire but right now she couldn't be bothered. She struggled with the clasp of her choker, the frustration was just the final straw and she broke down crying. It had all been too much for her. She was trying her best to keep it together but tonight had been the worst. She was hurt and embarrassed. She typed out a text to Saeran before she lost her nerve. Shae had so many questions. He was supposed to be her friend, why did her bring her there only to abandon her with strangers, did he even care about her? Did she even know the real him or was it just wishful thinking on her part? Was she so desperate for some kind of attention from him that she overlooked the obvious? After finally getting the last of her jewellery off, she reached inside her bedside dresser draw for the familiar shape of the sleeping pill bottle.

She shook out a handful pills not even bothering to check how many there were and washed it down with a big gulp of stale water that had been sitting in a nearby glass since this morning. Her mother often complained about her bad habit of leaving half drank glasses of water all over the place. She wondered if she had taken too many pills but honestly she didn't care. Maybe not waking up wouldn't be so bad. She just wanted to sleep. She didn't want to think, she didn't want to remember and didn't want to feel. She was overwhelmed, confused and angry with herself. She climbed into bed, wrapped herself up in the blankets and covered her face with her pillow to muffle her sobs. She didn't want her mother to hear her falling apart for the umpteenth time. She had enough on her plate without having to worry about her train wreck of a daughter. Shae fell asleep or maybe she passed out, the details didn't matter to her. Her sleep was dreamless, dark and empty. Perhaps death would feel like this too.

Shae woke up to the harsh glare of the sunlight streaming through her window. It was hard to open her eyes, she was still groggy and the slept in makeup had all but glued her eyelashes together. She glanced at the bedside alarm clock confirming that it was already noon. Her mouth was dry and felt like the Sahara desert and she was starving. "I guess since I didn't die, I should probably get up", she thought to herself morosely. She climbed out of the bed and looked at her reflection in the full length mirror. She was just in her underwear from the night before, a black lace set, her makeup was ruined, smeared all over her face and her hair was a mess. She looked exactly like she felt, terrible and in need of a hot shower. She grabbed one of her favourite oversized t-shirts, a towel and head over to the shower. The water was set to scalding hot just the way Shae wanted. She wanted to wash away the previous night, to scrub any memory of Saeyoung's touch from body, to sterilize herself in the heat. After emptying the geyser she dried off and slipped on her t-shirt wrapping her hair in the towel.

She headed to the kitchen, finding a plate of cold pancakes covered in plastic wrap on the kitchen table along with a note from her mother. "Hi Honey, that must have been some party. I'm off to brunch with the ladies so I'll be back later. I can't wait to hear all about your night when I get home. PS it's great that you took a cab home but don't forget to fetch your car. Love Mom" Shae groaned loudly, her car, how could she forget about her car? It was still at Saeran's place. The "ladies" from the note were her mom's cancer sufferers and survivors support group. Their brunches were notoriously long affairs so that gave her a good few hours to get ready to go get her car before her mom came home and started hassling her about it. She grabbed the plate of pancakes intending on heating them up in the microwave when she felt a dull ache in her left hand. If it wasn't for the deep purple hand shaped bruise that had formed on her wrist overnight she could have just pretended like it was all just a bad dream. But it was there clear as day on her pale skin. Last night was very real and very scary. Why did Saeyoung know all those things about her? Did he investigate her just like Jumin and Zen? She wasn't rich or famous enough to blackmail, so what did he want? Did he follow her into the bedroom after she overheard him and Rika talking or was that his plan all along? Nothing was making any sense, he seemed so nice earlier was it all an act? Shae was too inebriated at the party to remember all the details clearly but a few things she did remember Saeyoung saying were that Rika was Saeran's ex and Saeran was a drug dealer.

Shae had too many questions and not enough answers. The only person she could ask was Saeran but was she ready to face him so soon? She was still angry with him. A part of her wondered if she could just sneak into the parking lot a Mint Eye and grab her car without him noticing. It was a cowardly way of dealing with things but it was how she usually dealt with problems. When the going got tough, Shae got going. She ran when she woke up next to a dead guy and she ran when her affair with her TA was exposed. But this time she couldn't run again. What about her business, her debt and her mother's medical bills? She needed to see this through. She could keep it professional with Saeran until their business was concluded, no-more movie nights or sleepovers. He probably wouldn't even care; he wasn't into her like that anyway. Maybe he was still hung up over Rika. She was gorgeous and successful even if fidelity wasn't her strong point. They used to live together so it must have been serious and they stayed friends afterwards. She grabbed her phone from her room and settled in front of the TV with her pancakes and a cup of coffee. Shae texted Saeran to ask him if it was okay to come over later to pick up her car. He responded that he was out for the day and would only be available that evening. She had to agree, her mother would be suspicious if she didn't fetch her car and she didn't feel like answering why she couldn't. Shae was more than a little peeved, having to meet him at his place at night; her plan to keep things purely professional was already seemingly falling apart. Shae sighed to herself, she would go tonight but she wouldn't dress up. Okay maybe just a little but it wasn't for him.


	12. Chapter 12

Acolyte:

Saeyoung was a night owl by nature; nothing fun happens before 12 they say, so lunch was usually his first meal of the day. He rummaged around in the refrigerator finally pulling out a half-eaten box of Korean style fried chicken and a can of PhD Pepper. His favourite chicken place had just added a new flavour to the menu, "Honey Butter". It was supposed to mimic the taste of the infamously hard to find Honey Buddha chips. He thought the taste was good but not as great as the real thing. They probably could have gotten away with it given that most people haven't tried the real thing but for a connoisseur like himself he could tell the subtle differences. He grabbed a bag of Honey Buddha chips from the large cardboard box on the floor and carried the armful of snacks to his awaiting work station. His "battle station" was his pride and joy, he had built it up himself and only the best components would do. He had three giant monitors setup along with a top of the range gaming mouse and keyboard. His latest acquisition was a DXRacer gaming chair in favourite Ferrari red and black matching his overall colour scheme. A professional gamer would be envious of his work station but this setup was intended for a very different type of game.

Today it would be cat and mouse. He was putting together a wild goose chase for Jumin's security team. The email he sent to Zen would be traced from one IP address to another, bouncing through 20 different countries before ending back at Jumin's own office after which it would become untraceable. It had a pleasing sense of circularity to it; it was his video recording after all Saeyoung laughed to himself. This entire exercise was just a precautionary step as Saeyoung doubted Jumin would involve anyone else especially not someone from his father's company. He had carefully selected and edited the video clip he had sent along with the demands. Zen's face could clearly be seen but his partner's face was intentionally obscured.

If it wasn't for the striped shirt haphazardly thrown next to Zen on the bed one could be forgiven for questioning if it really was Jumin in the video. The tape had no sound but Zen's facial expressions spoke volumes of agony and ecstasy, the encounter must have been loud and Saeyoung would bet a small fortune that Jumin's bedroom was probably sound proof. Saeyoung briefly toyed with the idea of photoshopping cat's ears onto Zen. It would be hilarious given Zen's hatred for cats and Jumin's love of the feline persuasion but he needed the threat to be taken seriously, so sadly no cat ears. Rika depended on him to take care of business. She could always rely on him to get the job done. What he felt for Rika was more than love it was reverence. She regarded him with affection but it wasn't a relationship, not like the one she has with V and not the like the one she had with Saeran.

God he hated Saeran, what made Rika think he was good enough to stand beside her? What was it about him that attracted women so far out of his league? His mind pulled him back to the pretty girl from the night before, Saeran's friend Shae. It was never his intention to harm her in any way; he wasn't that kind of guy after all he was a man of faith. He idly ran his fingers over the cool metal of his ever present cross necklace. He did however do his homework on her after inviting her to the party. It was just a detailed online record search; any half decent private detective could have done the same. Bank, college and medical records. It was a coincidence that her mother's medical records showed up too. They had the same initial, last name and address. Her medical records were linked to her current prescriptions which included Zoloft. She had no police record and nothing more serious than a few parking tickets. She was squeaky clean which made her association with Saeran even more suspicious. He had intended on befriending her at the party and getting her drunk. With any luck she had been taking her meds and would be wasted after only a few drinks. Then all he needed was a quiet place to interrogate her. He never expected her to eavesdrop on Rika and him. Was it just accidental or was it her plan all along? He had to change his tactics, if she was undercover he needed to know, thus his more aggressive attitude. Fortune smiled upon him again when he found her sprawled out on Rika's king sized bed. A vision of loveliness just lying there waiting. For whom though, for Saeran or for him? They had agreed to meet up later. He fought for control of his mind. She could be a spy, here to gather information. He could not let her compromise everything he and Rika had worked so hard for.

Now alone in the bedroom with her he had the perfect opportunity to get some answers. He tested the waters by talking about Saeran and Rika, she had responded with what looked like a hint of jealousy. That was good, jealousy was a natural response and spies don't get jealous. Satisfied he moved on to his next task, scaring her into silence and away from Saeran. He should have felt a little bad badgering her like that, exposing with what must have been her deepest, darkest secrets. But he didn't instead he was aroused by the sight of her big brown eyes filled with tears as she sat weakly on the floor having fallen next to the bed. She was such a sweet kitten, she didn't bite or scratch, she didn't scream or yell for help. She just stood there wobbling on her feet like a new born foal as he taunted her again. Off she went to the bathroom not bothering to lock the door, was she playing with him? Beckoning him to join her? Was she having just as much fun as he was? In the confined space of the bathroom he grabbed her trying to gauge her reaction. He could feel her tremble under his touch, her voice like honey pleading for him to stop. He didn't want to, having a beautiful girl like this completely submissive to him was almost too much to bare.

Admittedly his baser instincts had taken over and he pushed her too far, too fast causing her to flee the bathroom. He was a bit sad that their game had ended so soon but the look on Saeran's face when he realised that he had been playing around with his princess was priceless. That knocked him down a peg, he had no power in Magenta anymore and Saeyoung could pretty much do whatever he pleased. His encounter with Shae had been thrilling, sending his pulse racing. She was certainly a special girl. Saeyoung had a change of heart, instead of chasing the precious flower that was Shae away, he would force Saeran to make her stay. He could think of many different scenarios and ways that she could be of service to him and Rika. And of course the added bonus of using her to torture Saeran. Everybody wins. Once Shae realized that he had the power to make her money problems disappear with a few key strokes, at least until the hospital had it next financial audit. She would come to him willingly, desperately and wantonly. She was just another thing he could snatch away from Saeran. Shae deserved better than a junkie like him. He could never offer her what Saeyoung could, absolution. He knew all her sins, he could help her repent and if she proved her loyalty she could join him as an acolyte of Rika's.

He finished munching on the leftover fried chicken, wiped his greasy hands on his black hoody and slipped on his orange head phones. It was time to get back to work. He took a big sip of his soda and cracked his knuckles, there was no rest for the wicked.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Hi there readers. Apologies for taking so long to update this story. My life has been crazy lately. I dropped out of the degree I was doing. I felt like I was just doing what was expected of me, not what I wanted to do and the stress was really taking its toll on my health. So now I have to figure out if I want to just change majors or go to another college. My folks have been super supportive and I'm looking for work while I'm still considering my options. I hope to update regularly once again. Thanks for sticking with this story.**

Vice versa:

Although Saeran had left the party earlier than he had expected it was still a good night business wise. As soon as Rika had greeted him and Shae, he was sent to work. He headed upstairs to the 2nd level of the penthouse. The fundraiser/charity event was held downstairs but the real party was up there. He was met by a bodyguard at the bottom of the staircase. He was tall, attractive but definitely packing. Rika chose security for her party based on looks and ability. They needed to add to the aesthetic of the party. She didn't want the usual burly types that would intimidate her high class guests. Saeran wondered if somewhere out there existed a modelling agency/security company that mass produced these guys. He gave the guard a knowing smile and a nod of the head, and was allowed up the stairs. A stairway to heaven or maybe it was hell. The devil was known as a seducer of man and here was all the temptation anyone would ever need. Drugs, booze and girls. The unholy trifecta that had led so many astray and the best part of it all was that it was all for free. A gift from Rika for her closest "friends". He wasn't here to sell, he was here to schmooze and collect orders from those sampling the goods. The scene reminded him of an old Kung-Fu movie he watched as a kid. He didn't know at the time but a majority of the movie was set in an opium den. And just like the movie the upper rooms were a mix of opulence and debauchery. People stretched out chaise lounges, low couches and giant pillows on the ground. Men and women in various stages of undress wondered about from room to room. Cocaine in fluffy white piles was being passed around on rose gold candy dishes. Saeran surveyed the scene before being greeted by a woman he surmised was a hostess in a ridiculously short tight pink velvet dress, with deep v-neckline that left nothing to the imagination. She kissed him on both cheeks and led him to a sea next to one of his big clients, a movie producer. The producer welcomed him to the table with his other guests, exchanging greeting and handshakes all round. A clearly inebriated girl sat at the producer's feet with her head leaning against his lap.

He stroked her head like she was a pet of some kind. The hostess left to get Saeran a drink, his usual order was scotch on the rocks. Rika served only the best so he could expect nothing less than a 20yr old bottle of aged single malt. Was it ironic that the girl seated on the pillow on the ground was probably, hopefully around 20yrs old too? The hostess placed the bottle along with two glasses on the table. The ice in the glasses was spherical and clicked against the cut crystal glasses. Saeran put on his best smile and chatted with the other guests that soon joined them as well. They talked about getting away to Ibiza for the summer, someone had a summer house on the coast and wanted to fly them all out for a few days. The party scene was incredible and they really wanted Rika and her friends to come along. If Saeran supported the idea they were sure Rika would too. It just wouldn't be the same without them. Saeran sipped his drink, laughed and nodded in agreement. What sounded like casual conversation was actually a business proposition. This part need "supplies" and he would be contacted later with a list of what was expected. He then sent an invoice for Rika's styling, clothing and appearance fees. Whether she actually showed up was up to her but the money would be paid and he would deliver the "supplies" with the clothing.

Normally Saeran would enjoy himself without reserve at one of Rika's parties, mixing business with pleasure was just one of the perks of being Rika's right hand man. But he had more on his mind, Shae was downstairs at the fundraiser with Rika. She should be fine by herself right? It's not like she could come upstairs on her own, the guards only let those on a particular list through. The girl on the ground moved her hand towards him, which brought his thoughts back to the situation in front of him. She handed him a mirrored compact with three neat lines of white powder on it. He took the compact hesitantly, he wasn't trying to avoid the high grade stuff. After leaving Magenta this was a luxury he definitely couldn't afford. That's why he was cutting back, using crack instead to slowly ease off the stuff. After his first line all thought of quitting quickly evaporated as the rush hit him. He quickly did another line before handing the mirror back. If he wasn't careful he wouldn't be able to stop. He refilled his scotch glass and sat back to observe the other guests at the party.

He noticed three people ascend the stairs. A tall man with long white hair and two women. They headed for an empty corner of the room and ordered bottles of champagne and vodka. The women were all over the man, one had unbuttoned his shirt and slipped her hand inside tracing her fingers over his chiselled chest and abs. The other was whispering something in his ear that made him laugh and wrap his arm around her waist. Saeran should probably have been aware that he was openly staring at the tall white haired man. When their gazes met he recognized the man as the actor Zen. Zen didn't break eye contact and seemed to smile a little more than before. Saeran wondered if he wanted to talk business but the two girls dragged Zen off to another room before Saeran could come over to talk. Zen looked back at him wistfully, shrugging his shoulders. "Maybe next time" he mouthed hoping Saeran could read his lips. After this strange interaction Saeran did the rounds through the party greeting guests, passing around his business card as a photographer. After feeling like he had done enough schmoozing he head back downstairs to find Shae. Maybe it was chemical courage but he really wanted to see her to tell her that he liked her and how fucking sexy she looked tonight.

If he had just done what he promised to do in the first place, stayed with Shae or at least not left her alone long enough to get drunk off her face and into a world of trouble. He was still optimistic when she pulled him into a bedroom to talk, that that was just the beginning of the downward spiral as the entire night went straight to shit. Shae had overheard Rika and Saeyoung discussing shady business and he needed to get her out of there quickly. He made the mistake of leaving her alone again only to return to find her totally freaking out, incoherent and rambling about questions, him and Rika. She wasn't making a whole lot of sense but he did catch that Saeyoung had done something to her in the bathroom. It was hard to control his rage from spilling over. He wanted to kerb stomp that bastard Saeyoung and wipe that smug look right off his face but Shae had run out of Magenta. She was mad at him, still yelling as she left to get a cab home instead of leaving with him. She messaged him later wanting to know the truth. He had expected her to write him off but here she was trying to make sense of things, trying to make sense of what was between the two of them. He didn't reply, honestly he didn't know what to say to her. His buzz was wearing off sooner than he had hoped and now all he had was a bottle of whiskey to keep him company as he tried to figure out how to get Shae and himself out of this mess.

Morning came as it usually did, bright and unwelcomed. Saeran was hungover, the now empty bottle of Jack Daniels lay on the floor next to the couch he has passed out on. What the heck was the time? It had to be almost lunch time, not that he was in the mood to eat. His cell phone beeped, it was another message from Shae. He remembered that he didn't reply to her previous message the night before. Was this a new message telling him that she never wanted to see him again? He sighed and opened her text, she wanted to know when he would be home so she could come by and collect her car. He wasn't ready to see her again. He still hadn't figured out what to tell her. He could lie, deny everything but he needed to explain why Saeyoung and Rika were dangerous and why she needed to forget she ever heard anything. He also felt guilty, Shae had never lied to him. Maybe it was because they knew each other from high school, Saeran had helped her out when she was in trouble and she trusted him somewhat blindly. He didn't want to lose that trust. He didn't want to lose her. He replied to her text that he would busy during the day but would be free the night. That would give him time to get some work done before she came. He needed to see his supplier and probably needed to call Saeyoung too. As much as he hated him he was fully aware of how dangerous Saeyoung could be. He needed to know what he had told Rika about Shae and convince him to leave her alone.


	14. Chapter 14

Lies that bind:

Saeran poured a second mug of coffee from the coffee pot hoping to chase the haze from his hungover mind. He started to shoot a text to his supplier rescheduling their meeting to another day instead of today. He wasn't in the mood to deal with business right now. Before he could hit send the phone rang. It was Saeyoung, what did that asshole want? He clenched his jaw and fought the strong desire to just hang up. It rang for the fourth time before he answered it begrudgingly. He did actually need to speak to Saeyoung no matter how unpleasant it would be. "Hello Ran" Saeyoung spoke in a chipper tone using Rika's nickname for him that he now couldn't stand. "What the fuck do you want?" Saeran replied dryly. "Such language!" Saeyoung laughed "I was hoping to speak to your Princess, she isn't nearby by any chance?" It took a few seconds for the question to register. "Princess? You mean Shae." Saeran was struggling to maintain his composure. "Yes, that's her name. The sweet girl from last night. I think I'll stick with calling her Princess it suits her better." Saeran took a deep breath, "She's not here". Saeyoung feigned disappointment "So you didn't go home together? That's too bad. I hope there isn't trouble in paradise." He didn't need to see Saeyoung's face to know he probably had that same shit eating grin from the previous night on his face. "What did you do to her? She was so pissed off. If you hurt her I'm gonna…" He was interrupted before he could finish that thought. "I just teased her a little, she freaked out and ran away. Nothing really happened. She'd had a few drinks and was flirting with me all night. She even followed me to the balcony where she might have heard something she shouldn't have." Saeran didn't like what he was hearing. Shae might have been flirting with Saeyoung and he hated that Saeyoung's version of events sounded plausible. "She doesn't know much about you does she? What you do, what really you do… is she really your girlfriend? Well that's none of my business. What is my business is that she forgets all about the conversation she overheard last night. I haven't told Rika about that yet and I won't if you make sure she doesn't go blabbing. Rika doesn't allow loose ends to just run around. If she found out she'd want it taken care of and you know what that means." His tone was ominous. Saeran knew that Rika ran a tight organization and absolute loyalty and secrecy was a part of the job description. She had a mean streak and like punishing those who crossed the line. Shae would just be another name on a long list of missing persons, a casualty of the greater good.

That was Rika's ethos. Everything she did was for the greater good. People were going to buy and sell drugs anyway at least if she did the selling then some of that money would go to charity and worthy causes. She saw herself as a saviour or Robin Hood figure. It didn't matter if a few people got hurt along the way, more people got helped and karmically it all balanced out. "She won't say anything to anyone. You have nothing to worry about. Rika doesn't need to know." Saeran tried to keep his voice even. He didn't want to sound desperate even if he was somewhat. "Also about last night's misunderstanding, make sure she doesn't go to the cops. Not that she has much she can say. Magenta doesn't need any extra attention from law enforcement." Saeyoung's nonchalance was disturbing Saeran. How can I stop her from going to the cops? She says you grabbed her!" Saeyoung replied without missing a beat. "And I say we both had a bit too much to drink and she was giving me mixed signals. Lots of people saw us together, laughing and talking. If you were there you would have seen us for yourself but you weren't. Where were you again?" Saeran didn't answer him, he didn't need to.

They both were well aware that Saeran had spent his evening upstairs. "I don't care what you do. Just convince her it was a misunderstanding. If you can't I'll just have to do it myself. I can drop by her place and apologize in person, when she's home alone and maybe we can pick up where we left off. Have you been to her place? It's a cute little apartment, not much security and it's just her and her mom all by themselves and that neighbourhood can be so dangerous these days." That threat was the last straw. "I'll handle it! Just stay the fuck away from her!" Saeran snapped. "I'll trust you with it then and before I go Rika wanted me to tell you that she was really happy to see you again and she hopes that you and the Princess come to the next party as well. You wouldn't want to disappoint her would you?" Saeran ended the call. He had heard enough from that bastard. After all the awful things he had done to Saeran over the years they had known each other; this had to be the worst. Covering for that jerk. Convincing someone he cared about that she had misunderstood what happened and that she shouldn't call the police as she mostly likely wouldn't have a case even if she could prove something happened. The most convincing lies have an element of truth to them. He would tell her that he dated Rika and that Saeyoung was always jealous. Saeyoung only teased her to get back at him. Would she believe that Saeyoung wouldn't actually do anything bad and that he was actually a good guy? It was mostly true and hopefully it would be enough to convince her.

He checked the digital clock on his bedside table. He had a few hours to kill before the time he had arranged to meet with Shae. He kneeled down next to his bed and pulled out his stash box from its hiding place under the floor board. There was just enough time to get high and come down before she showed up. He had to do something about the guilt that was gnawing at him. He emptied a tiny packet of white crystals into a small foil square heating it up slowly with a butane lighter till wisps of smoke sated to rise. Using a thin metal straw, he inhaled deeply letting the acrid smoke fill his lungs as the rush washed over him. Starting from his head flowing through his body to feet and even his fingertips. He took a few more hits, placed his kit on the table and laid back on his bed staring at the ceiling. He wasn't angry anymore and wasn't sad either. He actually felt giddy, warm, tingly and oblivious to the world around him. He thought of Shae not crying in the elevator as he had last seen her but in her perfect dress. Her warm body wrapped around him, her voice whispering his name and her soft lips on his. He usually thought about Rika in times like this, when he was at his peak. When did that change, how long had it been Rika and only Rika occupying his thoughts? But here he was blissed-out with thoughts of someone else and right now that was exactly how he wanted to be.


	15. Chapter 15

Trading hearts

He was still laying in bed when his phone rang. It was Shae, she was outside waiting for him to buzz her in. How much time had passed? A brief look out the window told him that it was already dark. His stomach growled as he hadn't eaten anything all day. He quickly shoved his drug kit under the bed before bounding down the stairs, stopping only briefly to check his appearance in the mirror. Heavy bags and dark circles hung under his slightly blood shot eyes. He ran his fingers through his hair and slapped his face with both hands to sober up. He had to hurry as he didn't want her to wait outside on her own for too long. The warehouse district could be a sketchy place at night. Shae stood at the door to the warehouse anxiously waiting for Saeran. The taxi driver wasn't too happy about leaving her there in the dark but she had assured him that it was fine, her friend knew she was coming. She stood under the flood light which brightly lit the entrance way; it was better than being in the pitch black of the night but it also made her feel exposed. She rang the bell twice with no response before she called him. His voice was groggy when he answered. He was probably asleep, that's why he hadn't opened the door sooner and not because he was mad at her for yelling at him Shae reasoned to herself. She had practiced what she wanted to say over and over in her head on the drive over but her nerves were getting to her. She was just about to pull out her car keys and leave when the door opened. Saeran stood there in his trademark black skinny jeans, red vest top. He was also barefoot and looking a little worse for wear. "Hi Shae, come inside. Were you waiting long? Sorry I didn't hear the doorbell." Shae followed him back inside the warehouse. "Oh no, I just got here. I didn't mean to wake you up." They walked up the stairs to the loft apartment. Once inside Shae took a seat on the couch, the atmosphere was awkward and Saeran didn't seem like himself. He walked towards the fried and peered inside. There wasn't much just milk, beer and Coke. "Can I get you something to drink? I have beer and Coke but I could make you coffee if you want? Shae considered her options for a second and went with Coke. He handed her a can and grabbed a beer for himself. She was glad for the cold drink, maybe it was her nerves or the warmth of the summer evening but she felt a little too warm. She was wearing a long sleeved sweater and a skater skirt with high top Converse sneakers. To her mind she had dressed down to avoid unwanted attention but she still felt self-conscious as Saeran seemed to be staring at her a little more than usual.

Saeran wasn't sure what to expect when Shae showed up at his door step. She was spitting mad last night and he was sure she'd still be angry especially with him. After all, all of this was his fault. Feeling strung out made it particularly hard for him to focus on details. Was he just imagining things, why did she show up looking almost exactly like she did in high school? Her uncertain demeanour made her look closer to 14 than 24 years old, even all grown up she was still just a kid. An innocent party dragged into this mess because she trusted him. His heart was racing, he needed to settle down and do this. He reached for his cigarettes and Zippo lighter in his pocket. Taking one out he lit it, inhaling deeply as he sat on the opposite end of the couch. The uncomfortable silence was getting to be too much for Shae and she had to say something, heck anything to break to tension. "I've never seen you smoke before, I mean I've seen the ashtray and the lighter but you've never actually smoked around me before." She was rambling. "I'm sorry, if it bothers you… I can put it out." Saeran replied reluctantly. "No its fine, you don't have to. I don't mind. Did you smoke on high school too? I don't recall?" "Yeah, I started back then but I just can't seem to stop. You know how it is. I just sort of need it now to get by." He wasn't just referring to cigarettes. Would she also "not mind" if she knew about his other vices? This is good, talking is good Shae thought to herself. "Umm…can I have one?" She gestured to the pack on the table. Saeran raised an eyebrow at her request. "Yea of course, I didn't know you smoked too?" He reached over offering her the pack and she pulled one out. She put the cigarette between her lips and he held out the lighter for her as she leaned forward. She inhaled shallowly, just enough to ignite the ember and exhaled a tiny puff of smoke. Her 2nd drag was deeper and she stifled a small cough. Saeran cracked a smile for the first time that evening. "I used to smoke only during exam time in college but it's been a while."

She took a sip of her Coke to wash down the taste of the cigarette. "You probably shouldn't start doing this again. It's not good for you." Saeran spoke thoughtfully. "I know, but once in a while won't kill me right?" Shae smiled reassuringly. The nicotine was relaxing her nerves but Saeran's heart was still racing. Saeran sat forward on the couch and turned to her. "About last night, I have something I need to tell you about. It's important so before you say anything will you hear me out first?" "…Sure" was Shae's reply but she felt anything but sure. What was he about to say and how was it related to the events of the night before. Hopefully he had the answers to her questions.

"I guess I'll start at the beginning…Its true Rika was my girlfriend and I used to live at Magenta with her but that was ages ago. It was before she met V and it wasn't that serious anyway." Shae shifted awkwardly in her seat and Saeran continued. "I met Saeyoung around the same time I started working for Rika. He's a private investigator and he does background checks on clients and guests for Rika. Some of Rika's friends extremely wealthy and important people can have enemies. Saeyoung's job is to handle security that's why he had you checked out, he checks everyone out. Its normally just a criminal record check but I think he went overboard because you came as my guest. The two of us never got along. He always had a massive crush on Rika and I guess he was jealous that Rika and I were together. He's hated my guts since then and even now that Rika's not with me anymore." Shae soaked in the new information. Rika was Saeran's ex-girlfriend and not just any old ex but a beautiful, wealthy and influential one. They worked together, lived together and even now they stayed close. Saeran said it wasn't serious between then but his face as he spoke said otherwise. She must have left him and it didn't sound like it was a mutual decision. Did he want her back?

Shae had listened quietly but now it was her turn to speak. "You promised to stay with me at the party but you left right after we go there. Where did you go? Why did you leave me on my own?" She tried hard not to sound accusatory. She had trusted him and by extension his friends. "I met up with some potential clients, we talked shop for a while and I guess I must have lost track of time. I really sorry I didn't mean for you to feel like I abandoned you. Works been slow lately so I hoped to get something lined up for the next month or so." She couldn't get mad at him if it was work related Saeran reasoned. They both had cash flow issues albeit for very different reasons. So far most of what he said was true but now he had to cover for that piece of shit Saeyoung. A good lie doesn't have too many details, the less said the better. He'd have to save the self-loathing for later, right now he needed to be convincing to keep Shae safe.

"I spoke to Saeyoung earlier today…" he tried to glance at her face inconspicuously and gauge he reaction. She visibly recoiled and crossed her arms defensively. "He wants to apologise about last night. He said he had been drinking and took teasing you too far. He did mean to scare you. He doesn't usually drink at all." Shae was taken aback, Saeyoung had tried to get her drunk and groped her in the bathroom. That wasn't what she would call "teasing". "Do you believe him?" The question hung in the air. Shae swallowed hard, she wasn't going to cry, she was done crying. "I think… he got close to you to make me jealous but I don't think he meant to hurt you. He doesn't normally act that way so maybe he was drunk." Saeran's answer hurt more than the bruise on her wrist. He memory of the night was fuzzy but she was sure he wasn't drunk. Why was Saeran covering for him? Last night it seemed like he hated the guy and wanted to beat him up and now they seemed almost… friendly. Did Saeyoung say something about her past to Saeran?

She hadn't told Saeran the details of why she dropped out of college or that she took medication for her depression. He didn't need to know everything about her and those things were private. Was he doubting her now because he found out that she was hiding things. Shae needed to know. "Did Saeyoung say anything else…about me to you?" Saeran thought for a moment, "Anything else? No he just wanted to apologise and asked that you not report this misunderstanding to the police because it could affect his work." The lies came easier this time. "He's very sorry and wants to resolve this privately." He spoke through his clenched jaw. "I don't want money or anything from him" Shae replied. Saeran could taste the blood in his mouth. He had bit the inside of his cheek. The cigarette in Shae's hand was mostly ash, she took another drag and she killed it in the ashtray. She just stared at her hands not sure what else to say. He shifted over towards her slowly getting closer to her and placed his hands on her arms getting her to face him. "If you never want to see any of us again. If you never want to see me again. It would be hard for me but I would understand…" This was his final gamble, to play on any feelings she might have for him and exploit them. If he had read her correctly up to now she at least considered him a close friend. He had never been more sure that he was going hell then he did right then.

Shae was startled by his words. No, this wasn't what she wanted. She needed him, the first person in ages that didn't look down on her or feel sorry for her. "If it's all a misunderstanding… then we can forget about it. I won't go to the police." And there it was, the response he was waiting for. "I want to keep seeing you, I mean… to keep working with you" Shae corrected herself. That's right she still had that project proposal to put together for Jumin, "And I want to keep being friends". His arms closed around her, she did the same wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her head on his shoulder. "We're still friends right?" she spoke softly. The warmth of his embrace brought a flush to her cheeks. "Of course we're friends, although sometimes it feels like more but I'm OK with just friends…" His last few words were just a whisper in her ear. How much of this was part of his manipulation and how much was true? Honestly, he didn't know.

Shae lifted her head from his shoulder to look him in the eyes. He was hiding something from her, she was sure of it but in this moment she could look past that. She kissed him on the mouth with her lips slightly parted. She held back a little giving him the choice to pull away as he did before. He didn't, instead he pushed forward bringing their bodies closer, deepening their kiss. She felt herself being pushed down onto the couch by his body. His kisses moved from her lips to her chin, then to her neck and shoulder. He shifted position, straddling her waist. He had slid one hand under her sweater to the small of the back while he gripped her wrist with his other hand for support, effectively pinning her to the couch. "Ouch!" She whimpered as her expression changed to a grimace. "That hurts" she gestured towards his hand that was wrapped around his wrist. Saeran let go immediately revealing a large bruise most likely left by Saeyoung the night before. He convinced her that it was all a misunderstanding but there it was plain as day a dark purple mark on her pale skin. Unlike the kiss marks he had left on the neck this wasn't a sign of affection, this was a sign of violence. He moved to get off her allowing her to sit back up. "I'm sorry, I didn't know" he stammered. "It's ok, it's not a big deal. I bruise easily, it looks worse than it actually is." She tried to make him feel better but she was embarrassed that he had seen it too. A few moments passed when Saeran spoke "Maybe… we should probably take things slow?". He stood up and walked towards the kitchen. "I'm kind of hungry. I'm going to order take out, if you want you could stay for dinner?" Shae straightened out her clothes and shook her head. "Actually I've got to get home soon. I'll probably get something with my Mom. I'll call you tomorrow, OK?" He walked her outside to her car in an uncomfortable silence. Shae gave him a quick peck on the cheek as they said their goodbyes. She hoped it would reassure him that she was fine but he didn't seem convinced.

Shae's mind raced as she drove home. Talking with Saeran had left her with more questions than answers. But she did gauge that that his relationship with Rika and Saeyoung was complicated and now she was a part of this weird mess. Hopefully she could achieve her goals without getting too tangled up in it all but with Saeran that might be hard to do.


End file.
